The Secret Betrayal (fiction)

This is a short story -- a piece of fiction -- written after hearing that many women are researching if they can actually hide their votes from their husbands.

I’m so glad our polling place got redistricted to the Methodist church around the corner. In 2020, I ended up in a stall so close to Billy, I just felt him breathing on me. There weren’t no way I coulda voted against his candidate without having a panic attack right then and there, worried he’d see and tear me a new one. He’s never hit me, but Lord knows I know my place and I also know what he’s capable of. Last polling place, they didn’t have us put our ballots facedown neither. Oh no, that time it was face up, and I was so relieved to just have voted for who my husband had been rattling on and on about. “The Empowerer of the Working Man” he called him.

But this year it was the Methodist church and they got thick dividers between the triple stands and some were even standalone cubicle thingys. All had curtains to pull so your vote was private. This was a big step above the last place. Lucky for me there was no other open spot but the stand alone one, and the election worker told me to go to it. You better believe I took my time filling out those circles, planning it so that Billy would be long done, impatient and waiting outside.

Once I heard the lady at the machine say, “You gotta turn it upside down sir. It’s gotta be face down,” to the man in the Adidas track suit, I knew I could get away with it.

On the front page of the ballot, I circled in every name with a Democrat beside it. Not because I knew who they were, but because maybe them getting in office would help keep his power in check a bit more than last time if he were to win again. Who knows? I don’t know a whole lot about all this politics stuff, but I do know a few things. My best friend Shirley told me that Billy can’t find out later that I voted for who he called “Miss Muppet the Puppet.” It’s against the rules, Shirley said, and shit did that make me hopeful. But I looked it up to make sure she was right. I also know that one day when my little girl becomes a woman and asks me who I voted for, I’ll be able to confidently tell her that the second time around I didn’t make the same mistake. He Who Empowered My Husband made me feel invisible and worthless, significantly more than I have ever felt in the past. And I don’t agree with all abortions, but I had to have one when Sunny was little because of a placenta complication in my second pregnancy. Sunny would have no mom right now if we lived in Mississippi when it happened. Who knows what’s going to happen here in North Carolina with all that. She’ll be a teenager in two years, and I don’t want him making her feel worthless or invisible. Middle school is hard enough as it is.

So I took my time, and just to be safe in case Billy was taking a while too, I filled in all Republicans on the back side including the school board now too since they listed ‘em there as Democrats or Republicans even though I hate the way they changed Sunny’s school. But there’s enough angry folks in this county with the poor decisions made by that board. I can only fight one battle at a time.  When I pulled that curtain open, I walked with more confidence than I’ve ever had. Smirk on face, face-down ballot. Heart full of hope.

Billy was four people ahead of me in the submit-your-ballot-into-the-machine line and looked back and smiled. Calmly my smirk morphed into the I’m-still-your-submissive-wife smile and he had no clue. When I met him outside, he asked if I knew what the constitutional amendment referendum was all about. I shrugged my shoulders and said I didn’t, even though Shirley had told me all about it and I voted against it. This is another thing I know: if I play dumb, I don’t make him feel dumb. For a long time I thought that’s what empowered him. Turns out it’s other men saying they can grab women when and where they want and they’ll protect women whether they want protection.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll get the courage to show off a little bit more of my intelligence. Maybe not. Either way, it’s me who feels empowered today.

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